Hey, there, y’all! This here’s Major Tom wishin’ y’all a very happy Independence Day! So, what do y’all do on Independence Day? Do ya watch some strange sport where they wack some ball with a big wooden stick or a long metal stick? Sorry, everyone: That shit’s borin’! So, how do y’all celebrate ‘merica’s birthday? You celebrate it by blowin’ shit up, that’s how! Fireworks and explosions! That’s what this here holiday’s all about! For this here post, I wanna share with you some things that get blowed up real good in them movies that get played on those big silver screens. Usin’ my new patented “Ka-Boom-O-Meter,” I’m gonna rank each explosion based on how much shit it actually blows up. So, y’all get strapped in now, y’hear? This is gonna be a lot of fun!! Yeehaw!!
Independence Day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b00HdinHJzM
Holeee shit! Them alien critters sure mean business, don’t they? I mean, they really brought out the big guns, and blowed up our cities and shit. That’s okay, though, we get back at ’em and show ’em what for! I like ‘splosions here, because it’s mostly all real stuff and very little of that new-fangled CGI-crap and stuff. If you’re going to blow stuff up, you’d best do it for real! Kaboom-O-Meter rating for Independence Day: KA-BOOM!!! There’s no shortage of stuff blowin’ up, so for a holiday like the 4th of July, this is a pretty good one to start with.
Star Wars Episode IV
What’s better’n watchin’ a planet blow up? Watchin’ it blow up twice, that’s what! This here clip shows the difference between the 1977 version of Star Wars and the 1997 Special Edition. Personally, I think both do a fine job of blowin’ up Alderaan. “It’s as if a million voices cried out and said, ‘Aw, crap’, and were suddenly silenced.” What? Y’all tellin’ me that there wasn’t some person on that planet that wasn’t sayin’ “Aw, crap?” Kaboom-O-Meter for Star Wars says: KA-BOOM, KA-BOOM! Next!
Rambo III
It’s Rambo. It don’t get more ‘merican than this! Kaboom-O-Meter: KA-BOOM!!
Die Hard
Now, this right here’s a doggone classic. You’ve got that Bruce Willis feller that jumps off the roof and them FBI agents shootin’ at ‘im, and then you got that terrorist dude just blowin’ shit up. It’s got everythin’: Gunfire, fire, explosions, and people runnin’ for their lives! Don’t that just uplift your spirit? My all-powerful Kaboom-O-Meter says here: KA-BOOM!
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
We got another classic, right here! This here’s Terminator 2 where they’re about to blow the shit out of a buildin’ to keep this evil computer-thingamajig from nukin’ the planet! Sounds like a plan to me! Did it work? Well, if it did, we sure as hell wouldn’t have gotten three of them lousy sequels. My Kaboom-O-Meter says: “I’ll be KA-BOOM!”
The Dark Knight
Well, it ain’t everyday you see a movie actually bring down a building, but that’s just what these folks did. It’s probably the biggest boom in the entire trilogy. Everythin’ ’bout this scene is just awesome, from Joker just strollin’ away and watchin’ the whole thing blow up behind ‘im. This one’s pretty satisfyin’. Kaboom-O-Meter: “Why so KA-BOOM?”
Dante’s Peak
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xfJHD0WBoI
This is why you don’t mess with mother nature, y’all. She’ll kill you deader than your girlfriend’s husband. Mother nature’s all sorts ‘a psycho, y’know? Best watch yourself, y’hear? Kaboom-O-Meter: All-Natural KA-BOOM!
The Marine
John Cena’s fireproof, y’all! He survives one ‘splosion after ‘nother and he ain’t even got one singed hair on ‘im! What in tarnation is he? The Terminator?! Kaboom-O-Meter says: Holy Shit. I’m out. Well, my Kaboom-O-Meter’s all burned out right now, so we’d better all call it a night. I don’t know about y’all, but I had some real fun with this one. Again, this is Major Tom wishin’ y’all a happy 4th of July and be safe. Don’t actually blow shit up that wasn’t mean to be blowed up, okay? Leave that to the movies, alright? Thanks y’all for comin. This is Major Tom, signin’ off.
A while back, I got a chance to take a look at an independent action film called Fist 2 Fist 2: Weapon of Choice starring Hapkido master Jino Kang. For an indie action film, it was a hell of a lot better than most big-budget action movies that came out in the past decade, in my opinion. Not only did Jino Kang star in the film, he also acted as the film’s choreographer and co-director. He’s got a real good eye when it comes to action and film-making. An earlier film, Fist 2 Fist wasn’t nearly as refined as Weapon of Choice, but it was still a very solid and entertaining action flick. When I was given an opportunity to check out a new short film series that Master Kang had been working on, Kid Fury, I jumped at the chance because I wanted to see what he could do with a short film. As it turns out, quite a bit. In addition to providing some very strong fight sequences, Master Kang also turns in a great performance as Master Huang. Kid Fury ended up being one of the best short films that I’d seen in years. Here’s the best part though: Kid Fury didn’t end there. It was intended as a pilot episode and thankfully, we got another episode: The Phantom Witch.
Shortly after the events of the first episode, young Jimmy is still on the lookout for his mysterious box. Secretly “aided” by Master Huang, who survived being stabbed by Jimmy, the young fighter is told that a “phantom witch” has his box, and is given directions to her hideout. I’m not going to spoil the story here, but it does take some surprisingly interesting turns and we are introduced to a new character, the Phantom Witch, played by Virginia Rollowjay. The character is very interesting and clearly has some history with Master Huang. That’s also where the sharp writing comes in. Master Kang’s sense of humor is definitely on display here, as the interactions between the witch and Huang are pretty funny. Timothy Mah as Jimmy is fantastic. He brings a pretty high level of intensity to his character that’s looking for a box. I have to say, Timothy is going to succeed at whatever he wants to do, whether it’s acting, music or the martial arts. Or all three. He also did some of the music for Kid Fury and it’s really good. He’s extremely talented and I can’t wait to see what he does next.
While The Phantom Witch is only 18 minutes long, there’s more stuff packed into that 18 minutes than you will ever find in a 90 minute big-budget film put out by Hollywood these days. Kid Fury: The Phantom Witch does exactly what a follow-up should do: Up the ante and leave the audience wanting more. I want to know more about this relationship between Huang and the witch, because that still has the potential for some more laughs. But the fight sequences are still outstanding with Timothy Mah and Master Kang taking the lead. There is definitely an air of mystery throughout the show that I really like. The cinematography is really good and it still retains that semi-noirish feel from the first episode. I really can’t wait to see where the next episode goes, and I absolutely hope that there will be a next episode. Master Jino Kang has become one of my favorite martial arts actors/film-makers in the past 5 years. While it may be true that his filmography may not be that large; it’s more about quality than quantity. With Fist 2 Fist, Weapon of Choice, Kid Fury and Kid Fury: The Phantom Witch, Jino Kang is four for four. I can definitely recommend Kid Fury without hesitation. I think Kid Fury has the potential to become a new kind of phenomenon when it comes to short films. I’m absolutely loving it right now. So…to quote Oliver Twist: Please sir, I want some more. Yeah, it’s definitely worth checking out. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. One last point: What’s in the box?
Cast:
Sho Kosugi: Yamada
Lucinda Dickey: Christie
Jordan Bennett: Billy Secord
David Chung: Black Ninja
James Hong: Miyashima
I was born into a very unusual decade: The 1980’s. Between the drugs and music and all the bizarre shit that was happening during that time, looking back, it was also one of the best decades for entertainment. Movies, to be precise. The 80’s saw an extraordinary amount of movies that were insanely different. Yeah, there were successful films like Star Wars, Indiana Jones and The Terminator, but there were a lot of films that were forgotten or were deliberately ignored. The horror genre saw it’s best decade in the 80’s as well as the science fiction and action genres. As a kid who grew up in the 80’s/90’s, one of the things that I gravitated towards were ninjas. There was something alluring about these Japanese assassins clad in black with swords and throwing stars. Yeah, I grew up watching stuff like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and 3 Ninjas, but I was honestly more interested in the far more violent films like American Ninja. During the early years of the 1980’s, there was a trilogy of films that starred Japanese actor Sho Kosugi, a man who would popularize ninja films during that decade. The first film in that “trilogy” was Enter the Ninja, which wasn’t very good. The second was Revenge of the Ninja, where Kosugi played a good guy. The third film is where things totally went bonkers, and that’s the film I’m reviewing for you today: Ninja III: The Domination.
Ninja III: The Domination begins as a lone figure heads off into the hills in search of a hidden chest containing the weapons and outfits of a ninja warrior. Taking these objects, this lone figure heads off in search of a target at a nearby golf course where he kills his target and a bunch of cops. After taking an absurd amount of bullets, the ninja still manages to get away. A power line worker, Christie, stumbles on this ninja and is hypnotized as the ninja transfers his soul and memories into her as he dies. He uses her as his weapon from beyond the grave. The only way to stop her takes the form of another ninja who arrives from Japan to investigate these strange murders. If that synopsis sounds ridiculous, you wouldn’t be wrong. It’s absolutely nuts. Revenge of the Ninja was pretty straight-forward as far as action films go, but The Domination jettisons all that for some really bizarre mysticism and Poltergeist-esque shenanigans. Does it actually work, though? You know what? It’s just too damn strange not to. Be aware, this film was released in 1984, so strange films were par for the course in the early part of the decade, but Ninja III was incredibly absurd. The story makes no sense and the whole thing is a giant mish-mash of various genres, including dance and horror. Of course, this being a Canon Films production, less time was spent making the story plausible and more on making it an action/horror hybrid of sorts. It’s just flat-out wacky. I love it.
This being an early 80’s low-budget action film, the acting is pretty terrible. This was an early role for Lucinda Dickey, who was stunning at the time and did the best she could with what she was given, but she was obviously inexperienced at the time. Like-wise, Jordan Bennett was pretty irritating as the cop Billy Secord, who was constantly lusting after Lucinda’s character throughout the entire, but more on that later. The real man of the hour in the film, like the previous films was Sho Kosugi. He was not necessarily the greatest actor, but his martial arts talent and screen presence couldn’t be denied. He stole the show every time he was on screen with his incredible martial arts skills. Not only was he the real hero of the film, but he also served as the film’s fight choreographer, which is why some of the fight sequences are pretty decent. I have been and always will be a fan of Sho Kosugi until that I die. He popularized a rather unknown sub-genre within the action film scene and that’s why he’s one of the most recognized stars among hardcore action film fans like myself. While the films that he stars in aren’t always great, but he makes them worth watching.
The action sequences were put together by stunt coordinators Steve Lambert and Alan Amiel, and I can tell you, the action is pretty awesome. While some of the editing is suspect, a lot of the stunt sequences are absolutely mind-blowing with how they pulled them off. Again, this is 1984, so CGI was far too expensive and wires were really not used in the United States for stunts. Every stunt and fight sequence that you see in the film was done for real, because it couldn’t be done any other way. It was incredible to see some of the stuff that they did. They don’t make movies like this anymore and it’s a damn shame. The special effects on the other hand, were a very mixed bag. The floating sword was obviously used by strings and was totally hokey. Other visual effects were actually not half-bad, such as the shaking of Christie’s apartment. That set was put on a large hydrolic gimbal that shook the entire room. It was actually pretty clever. The laser sequences and the arcade cabinet effects were rather silly, but it was done practically at least. The final battle between Sho Kosugi’s character and the Black Ninja was something else. There was some really good choreography going on there, but it was just absolutely bonkers.
I hadn’t seen Ninja III: The Domination in nearly 30 years, so going back to this film was a blast from the past. Is it a good movie? No. Not even close. Honestly, Revenge of the Ninja was the best of the trilogy. You kind of have to go into a movie like this with a certain frame of mind to really enjoy it. It is a Canon Film after all, so it has obtained a certain cult status. So much so that a collector’s edition of the film was released on Blu-Ray earlier this year. Does a movie like Ninja III deserve such a treatment? From one perspective, not really, but honestly, I absolutely love the film for it’s unpretentious ridiculousness. It’s a film that knows that it’s bonkers and it runs with it gloriously into the sunset. How many modern action movies have you seen that are as willing to be this crazy? In my honest opinion, this film is not guilty by reason of insanity.
My Final Recommendation: Ninjas are bad-ass. Your argument is invalid. 9/10.
For this post, I would like to go over the various films over the past several decades and take a look at ones that are what I call “Rip-off” films. Now, I’m not going to include films from The Asylum production company since that’s all that they are known for and it’s too easy of a target, in my opinion. So….what do I mean by “rip-off” or “knock-off?” Basically, I’m referring to films that take their inspiration from far better films, but are either unable or unwilling to disguise the fact that they are influenced by better films. They could have very similar themes and ideas, and the execution of some of those things could very well warrant being called a rip-off. Does that mean they are awful? Not necessarily, but it does highlight the fact that these rip-offs are of a much lower budget and quality. I’m not going to include sequels, even though some of them do feel like rip-offs, so the Jaws sequels are off the list. Re-makes on the other hand, are absolutely fair game. These films won’t be in any specific order, but I will be grading them on entertainment value as some of them are legitimately fun to watch. What say we get this train-wreck going, shall we?
Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5fM8HbKEfw
When Star Wars was released back in 1977, it shifted the course of film-making forever. It was one of the biggest hits of all time and got multiple re-releases and eventually sequels. But, it did end up getting its own fair share of knock-offs. Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone is one such film. Released in 1983, the film got clobbered by Return of the Jedi and was quickly forgotten. So, why is this a rip-off? Peter Strauss plays Wolff, an intergalactic mercenary that comes across a potential payday when three women are marooned on a barren planet. Wolff is clearly a Han Solo-wannabe that just wasn’t cool enough. Michael Ironside plays Overdog, a half-man, half-machine being that rules with an iron fist. Does that sound familiar. If you put Darth in front of that name, I’m sure you could figure it out. It’s a pretty blatant rip-off if you ask me. That being said, it’s a very entertaining ride. Peter Strauss is actually pretty good here along with Ernie Hudson. It’s not a good movie, by any stretch, but damn if it ain’t fun. I actually grew up with this one, so I have a particular fondness for it. Entertainment Value: 8/10.
Piranha(1978)
Jaws was a huge hit in 1975, even though it was kind of meant to be a bit of a b-movie. It ended up being one of the most successful thrillers of the decade and put Steven Spielberg’s name on the map as a director. Any successful film is going to be hounded by people who think they can come up with something just as successful or unique and most of the time it doesn’t work. Piranha is one of those movies. Honestly, it should have been called Jaws: The Ripoff. Instead of a man-eating shark, you have a bunch of tiny flesh-eating piranhas causing all sorts of havoc at a local lake when they are accidentally released from a pond. I will give the film credit, however: It doesn’t take itself seriously. Don’t believe me, check out the trailer. It’s just all sorts of bonkers, and it plays out almost exactly the way you would expect it to. You know what’s really funny? Piranha got a re-make back in 2010 which ended up being better than the original film. It’s a crazy world we live in! Entertainment Value: 7/10
Blue Monkey
Ridley Scott’s Alien got a fair number of rip-offs, some of which I may include on this list, but the one film that got a pretty blatant rip-off was James Cameron’s sequel, Aliens. Honestly, I can’t say that I’ve seen a more blatant rip-off than Blue Monkey. Aside from the fact that the film-makers had no idea what to call the movie, the movie’s callbacks to Cameron’s film are unmistakable. A character named Bishop? I’m pretty sure that’s just a complete coincidence. A creature that’s born from a human host and causes the person’s chest to explode? That’s a little more suspicious, but not necessarily conclusive. A giant bug that wraps people up in cocoons to be used as food? And it all takes place in a dark and claustrophobic environment? Okay, that’s it: I’m calling shenanigans! To be fair, when it comes to rip-offs, Blue Monkey is one of my favorites. There is actual effort put into this film and it does have a very atmospheric and creepy vibe to the whole thing. It’s one of the better rip-offs that I’ve seen in my life. Steve Railsback actually plays a good guy in this one and he’s pretty damn good. All the effects are practical, even if they aren’t always that good, but you can tell that the people involved here wanted to make the best monster movie they could make and I think they succeeded in a way. It’s just too bad that nobody saw the film as it’s out-of-print and mostly unavailable unless you know where to look. Entertainment Value: 9/10.
Psycho(1998)
Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho remains one of the finest examples of American film-making and one of the greatest thrillers of all time. Why? Because it’s sharply written, well-acted and deliberately paced. It was also very shocking by featuring a fairly gruesome on-screen murder, which ended up as one of the most iconic scenes in all of cinema. While the sequels were not awful, there was no doubt in anybody’s mind that Anthony Perkins’ performance as Norman Bates was electrifying. Gus Van Sant’s re-make has absolutely no reason or right to exist. It is literally a shot-for-shot re-make that doesn’t even come close to the atmosphere or intensity of the original film. The casting is all wrong, especially Vince Vaughan as Norman Bates. I like Vince Vaughan as an actor, but he was the wrong person for the role, and that could be said for anyone that was cast in the film. When it comes to re-makes, 1998’s Psycho is one of the worst and a complete rip-off of the 1960 classic. Avoid this one like the Bates Motel. Entertainment Value: 1/10.
Godzilla(1998)
I’m not going to lie: I enjoyed the 1998 version of Godzilla. It had massive amounts of destruction and impressive visual effects courtesy of Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin. It also featured a solid performance from Jean Reno and Hank Azaria. So, what went wrong? Everything else. The design of the creature, while impressive in size, bore no resemblance to the Toho creature of the same name. It was an overgrown iguana. Aside from miscasting Matthew Broderick as a geeky scientist(any other kind?), it also featured a mayor and assistant that were clearly riffs on the late film critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert. I felt that was pretty tasteless, actually. Again, the film is a fun disaster film ride, but it is NOT a Godzilla film. Toho was so offended by this film that in their 2004 film Godzilla: Final Wars, they included the 1998 version of the monster only for it to be pulverized by the true Godzilla. Pretty poetic, I thought. You don’t mess with the big G, ya dig? Entertainment Value: 6.5/10
DeepStar Six
In the late 1980s, there were a number of films that were set underwater: Leviathan, The Abyss, and DeepStar Six. The Abyss was more about coming into contact with potentially friendly aliens, while Leviathan was a serious monster movie in the vein of Alien. It was a pretty solid thriller with amazing creature effects and solid performances across the board. It stood pretty well on its own. DeepStar Six on the other hand, wasn’t as good. It had solid performances, but the visual effects were pretty rudimentary and the creature looked like an over-sized crab. The worst part is, is that the creature doesn’t show itself until at least 50 minutes into the movie, and that’s only because the characters make some pretty stupid decisions. Of the three films, this one felt most like a rip-off, because it was way too similar to the other ones. The Abyss and Leviathan differentiated themselves for the reasons that I mentioned, but DeepStar Six didn’t really try that hard. Oddly enough, I actually love this movie, in spite of all its faults and imperfections. It’s still a fun movie. Entertainment Value: 7/10.
There are definitely more rip-offs out there that I haven’t mentioned. Some I’ve seen, others I haven’t. If there any films that you feel are complete rip-offs of better films, comment below and I will catch you later!
